December 2011
19 posts
November 2011
14 posts
Black Friday Spoils Part 1: Impressions
Sonic Generations: WHEE I’M GOING SO FAST AND THIS GAME DOESN’T SUCK THANK YOU SEGA
Split/Second: I fucking suck at drifting. Also a bit of relief when I noticed that the traps aren’t Instakill buttons.
Midnight Club LA: why did i buy this game i have absolutely terrible navigation skills
but its so fun
I talk to myself
- Kiyobi: Man, fuck Skyrim and MW3.
- Not Kiyobi: Why?
- Kiyobi: Taking away all my friends and shit :(
- Not Kiyobi: Haha, you said the same thing about Halo and look at you now. Playing with those Halofags.
- Kiyobi: That's only because I got Reach for free from Microsoft. Also they were rarely playing Reach when I started playing.
- Not Kiyobi: You should at least try them out you know. Again, Reach.
- Kiyobi: Dude, you remember Oblivion? That was boring as hell and you know it.
- Not Kiyobi: Okay, fine. What about MW3?
- Kiyobi: Fuck Activision.
- Not Kiyobi: And Blur is...?
- Kiyobi: A fun game.
- Not Kiyobi: And MW2 wasn't?
- Kiyobi: Noobtubes!
- Not Kiyobi: Yet you bought both games.
- Kiyobi: So?
- Not Kiyobi: You're buying Activision stuff.
- Kiyobi: That was before the IW bullshit, dude.
- Not Kiyobi: Pff, you bought Blur waaaay after.
- Kiyobi: Shut up.
- Not Kiyobi: Yeah. You know you actually want to play MW3.
- Kiyobi: ...fine okay yes. But fuck that pricetag.
- Not Kiyobi: Can't argue with you on that one.
- Kiyobi: Friday can't come any sooner.
- Not Kiyobi: Yeah.
Nightmarecast (of students)
- Professor: ...you know, instead of comparing the Wii against the Xbox or... someone help me out here...
- Silence.
- ...
- More silence.
- Me (totally serious): The Dreamcast, I think...
- Professor: Oh yeah! That's the one.
- No laughs. Everyone thought I was serious.
"Haiiiii." -Sig
Haiiiii
Listen
Scientists discover most relaxing tune ever
Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and Coldplay.
Weightless works by using specific rhythms, tones, frequencies and intervals to relax the listener. A continuous rhythm of 60 BPM causes the brainwaves and heart rate to synchronise with the rhythm: a process known as ‘entrainment’. Low underlying bass tones relax the listener and a low whooshing sound with a trance-like quality takes the listener into an even deeper state of calm.
Dr David Lewis, one of the UK’s leading stress specialists said: “‘Weightless’ induced the greatest relaxation – higher than any of the other music tested. Brain imaging studies have shown that music works at a very deep level within the brain, stimulating not only those regions responsible for processing sound but also ones associated with emotions.”
The study - commissioned by bubble bath and shower gel firm Radox Spa - found the song was even more relaxing than a massage, walk or cup of tea. So relaxing is the tune, apparently, that people are being Rex advised against listening to it while driving.
The top 10 most relaxing tunes were: 1. Marconi Union - Weightless 2. Airstream - Electra 3. DJ Shah - Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix) 4. Enya - Watermark 5. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing 6. Barcelona - Please Don’t Go 7. All Saints - Pure Shores 8. AdelevSomeone Like You 9. Mozart - Canzonetta Sull’aria 10. Cafe Del Mar - We Can Fly
Letters from an Angry Driver
Dear Jaywalker,
I understand you’re on the phone, but didn’t your fucking mother teach you to look both ways before crossing the street? AND WHY ARE YOU NOT USING A FUCKING CROSSWALK I ALMOST FUCKING RAN YOU OVER. I was about to be cool with it until you gave me that not so friendly gesture. I hope you actually do get run over by a car.
Dear Driver Behind Me In The Jammed Parking Lot,
THERE’S A REASON WHY I STOPPED THERE ASSHOLE. NOW THAT YOU CUT IN FRONT OF ME YOU’RE BLOCKING LEFT TURNING TRAFFIC. FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. I hope you die in the most unglorious car accident ever so nobody notices your existence.
Dear Stop Sign Runner,
I HAVE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY ASSHOLE. THERE’S CARS COMING IN FROM A GREEN LIGHT. Kindly die in a fire.
and finally, Dear Construction Workers,
Please hurry.
Sincerely,
Kiyobi.
